My inability to love
I am the type that has been in love only 4 times in my lifetime, I have asked only 2 ladies out and I didn’t get a YES. oh! make it 4. Not nice right? Funny thing is, I later told them I wasn’t interested any longer cos it was taking too long except for the later 2 where the “no” was we are too close to date! Annoying right?
I do not have a girlfriend at 24 not because I do not have girls all around me that like me but because the feeling is not mutual and I’m not interested in taking advantage of them. My previous relationship and only relationship was a lesson
I lost interest
I knew she liked me, I danced around the idea and decided to try it out to see if I’ll fall in love or if I can like her eventually. Trust me, it was easy. One date, several long calls and days later I got a YES. I was excited about that. A month and half later. I lost interest and didn’t call for weeks. Was that right? Obviously no. But did it feel like i was free? Yes. Did it feel irresponsible? Yes but i had to stay true to my feelings. At least i owe myself that
I 26 now.
I haven’t still fallen in love, the idea that i might never find the love i am looking has been burning in my mind for weeks now. Does anyone ever find the real, true and unfettered love? Hollywood say so ! but i have never seen it before. In a world that 50% of marriages end in divorce and 8 years relationships end in just a text! who am i? is there even any hope any more? should anyone try?
Am i being defensive? am i scared? do i not want a broken heart? bloody yes!! i don’t! is it looking like it is going to bloody late soon? yes! there is almost nothing i can do i would rather be a calm, crazy single guy than donate my heart out to a woman that cares not for me.
I am still searching even though it’s subtle, subconscious. I still won’t walk up to pretty a lady by the road side or an event or anywhere because she might just end up as a “Dormant contact” or a “Whatapp status” provider. I am sucker for “LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT”, “ THE SPECIAL FEELIN”.
UNTIL LATER…..
