A broken cautious heart
A friend once told me that “breakfast” served is character building. In case you’re not Nigerian, breakfast no longer means that relaxing, charming meal you take in the morning that makes your day. Breakfast now means a heart shattering breakup being dished out without remorse and pity. It’s being referred to as a national cake in my country because everyone will get their fair and unfair share, no one escapes it. You will either break or ruin someone’s heart or they will break or ruin yours.
Varieties of breakfast
- A proper breakfast in bed, with the table thingy that makes it comfortable for you to eat while recovering from your slumber. This is probably the most brutal of them, from no where, you just get served ! Steaming hot!
- A jointly prepared Breakfast, here, you’ve seen the red flags from the very beginning and you knew in your bottom line spirit that this will eventually lead in heart terror but as a “love is blind” preacher you went in as a savior wanting to save the day. This type is self inflicting and hardly worth it. Maybe it is sometimes, but I doubt it
I am not mentally prepared to exhaust all the variants of breakfast served, in fact that’s not why I am writing this! O ye spirit of writing, where are you taking me. Anyways back to my initial intention.
Oh! I remember now, I stumbled on an article I wrote on “My inability to love” sometime in 2020 and I am here laughing at myself. Not only do I have the ability to love, I am an overly expressive, almost choking, intense lover, for a guy that would seem an anomaly because the social convention will have it that women are the ones that love intensely and show it, while men are supposed to be less expressive almost never in fact, withdrawn in showing love and all that.
I am a serious lover, a type that drops everything and focuses on loving, adulating and adoring my woman, it didn’t help that it was my first, like first in almost everything, if you get what I mean apart from the lip syncing exercise. It didn’t also help that I had been in love with the lady I dated 6 years before we eventually dated. I would not lie, it lasted for a very short period but it was very very intense, think of the most intense and non-BDSM activities you can imagine. I was there.
As short as it was, I learnt what I would never have known about myself, my passions, my insecurities, about women and a lot more. Sometimes it feels like I learnt too much. From all this, I’m sure you’ll gather that it ended pretty badly, whew! It was bad! So bad! I had to carry my baggages with eyes cleared, a shattered and disappointed heart and wrapped my self in intense solitude, silence and a quiet fear of making the wrong decision on a relationship partner again.
Why am I saying all this? No one is a unable to love. If you still think you are? your insecurities are getting the better of you. If I were still in a relationship, I’ll have said spoken stupidly and blindly and said, come on! Give it a shot! Love is all that matters! But, Mai Dear! There is a whole freaking lot that matters even before love. A bloody lot! Stuffs like history of emotional damage; family and relationship history wise, mutuality of emotions, sense of purpose and fulfillment level and many more.
I’m definitely not a relationship expert! Even though singles give the best relationship advice.
